What's the Alma Mater?
by MrDrP
Summary: Graduating from high school?  No Big.  Defeating alien invaders?  So not the drama. Resolving the college admissions mission?  Kim and Ron discover that's an entirely different sitch ...
1. Odd's Man Not In

Dear readers,

Long ago, midway through Season Four, I began to post a story called _What's the Alma Mater?_, the tale of Kim and Ron's journey to college. As those final episodes aired, it became clear my story would not fit into canon; reluctantly but without misgiving, I took down what I had written and there things remained for three years.

However, the show ended with too many unresolved narrative threads and unanswered questions that continued to ask for resolution and answers, and so I have revived the concept of a journey to college story for our heroes. While this version of _What's the Alma Mater?_ is new, there are some elements from the original story that I was able to reuse. The bottom line: if something seems familiar, you're not experience déjà vu; you're just remembering a long-ago gag.

_What's the Alma Mater?_ takes place in the summer after the series finale _Graduation_ and my story _Fly Me to the Moon_.

* * *

As ever, I offer my thanks to campy for his proofreading assistance.

As ever too, leave a response and I'll send a reply.

KP © Disney

* * *

"Grrrrrr!"

Anne Possible turned from the counter in her newly reconstructed kitchen and looked to her growling daughter. "What's wrong, Kim?"

"College! I so don't know where to go," the frustrated auburn-haired teen replied as she threw up her hands, then swung away from the jumbled pile of letters that covered the kitchen table.

"I'm sure you'll make the right choice," Anne said reassuringly.

"But how do I know what it is? There's so much to consider: what I want to major in, extracurriculars, where it is and, and …"

Listening to her daughter speak at an increasingly staccato pace while becoming visibly perturbed, Anne finished Kim's sentence: "Ron."

Kim, biting her lip, nodded.

"And to think you said he wasn't boyfriend material," Anne said.

"Mom!" Kim protested, before she saw the wry grin spread across her mother's face. "Playing your own daughter," she added with mock indignation. "So not funny."

Anne held up her hands in an exaggerated placatory gesture. "Sorry, honey. It's just so nice to see how far the two of you have come."

"We have come a long way, haven't we?" a now-smiling Kim agreed, as she considered how much her relationship with Ron had evolved and deepened over the past year, from Junior Prom, through Graduation, and their recent mission in the Pacific. "I really don't want to leave him. We've been through so much together and I want to share this with him." She sighed. "Maybe I should just go to Upperton," she said with resignation.

Anne set down her whisk and joined her daughter at the kitchen table. "Kimmie, you know there's nothing that would make me happier than having you nearby and attending my alma mater."

"But," Kim said, anticipating the qualifier her mother was about to pronounce.

"But you need the school that's right for _you_ and as much as I'd like that to be my college, I think you were onto something important when you applied to colleges overseas because you wanted to see the world."

Kim cocked an eyebrow. "That was before I saw it from outer space," she countered, recalling her time in captivity aboard a Lorwardian battle cruiser.

"Point taken," Anne said. "Still, you've spent your whole life in Middleton and going away for school, even if it's somewhere else in the U.S., could be good for you."

Before Kim could react, the door opened and Ron, wearing his Smarty Mart vest, sauntered in. "Hola, KP, Mrs. Dr. P."

"Good morning, Ron," Mrs. Dr. P said. "Would you like some breakfast before you go to work? I'm making omelets."

"Do I want some Mrs. Dr. P breakfast? That's like asking if the Ronman would like extra cheese on his chimeritos," he answered as he sat down next to Kim, who leaned over and bussed him on the cheek. "Man, I love eating here!"

Kim snorted, then mussed her boyfriend's hair. "Thanks for stopping by before going to Smarty Mart."

"No way I wasn't going to see my badical GF before we both work our different shifts today," he said, referring to the fact that he had pulled the eight-to-six slot at the big box store while Kim was going to be working from two to ten at Club Banana. Then he looked at the stack of envelopes. "That is one ginormous amount of mail."

"Understatement much? I think I have more acceptance letters now than before Warhok and Warmonga destroyed the house."

"Which I must say is looking mighty fine, all things considered," he observed as he surveyed the new kitchen.

"It's amazing what Jim and Tim were able to do with some photos and alien reproduction technology," James Possible said as he entered the kitchen and made his way to the coffee pot.

Ron reached into the pile of envelopes and pulled one out. "This one's from MIST," he said as he read the return address.

"My school?" James asked, still hoping, even if he knew it was in vain, that Kim would choose to follow in his college footsteps.

"That's strange," Kim said. "I'm pretty sure I saw one from your school already, Dad."

"Hey, does anyone know where Ulan Bator is?" Ron wondered aloud.

"Excuse me?" Kim replied, caught off guard, if not wholly surprised, by the seeming randomness of her boyfriend's question.

"Here," Ron said, handing Kim the envelope, which she tore open.

"Spankin'," she said without much enthusiasm. "I've been offered a full scholarship by the Mongolian Institute of Shepherding and Tenting."

"Way to go, KP!" Ron said, pumping his fist. "Yurts rock!"

"I didn't even apply to this school," she said, shaking her head.

"Man, you get into places you didn't even apply to and I get in nowhere," Ron sighed. "What are the odds?"

"You know, Ronald, when you put it that way, I'd have to say slim to none," James said. When everyone looked at him, he continued. "I really hadn't thought about this until right now, but the statistical likelihood of Ronald not being accepted anywhere would have to be extremely, indeed, impossibly unlikely."

Kim considered what her father said. "Dad's right," she said, angry over her BFBF's sitch but fully engaged and intrigued by the mystery. "Something's so not right here."

"Okay, you guys have lost me," Ron said.

"Ron, Brick Flagg got into college," Kim said, as if that explained all.

"So?"

"You had better grades than Brick Flagg."

"KP, Sacky Eye Vee Ex had better grades than the Brickster."

Kim smirked. "True, but still: you graduated in four years, he took seven."

"Yeah, but he had the jockage going for him. The recruiters were all about him."

"Then they should have been all about my BF, who, I will remind you, set more Middleton High football records than Brick Flagg ever did. And then there's the fact that you invented the Naco, appeared on _American Starmaker_, and save the world with me on a regular basis."

"Meaning?"

"You should have been accepted by somebody," Anne said as she set down two plates, one before him and the other before Rufus, who, at the appearance of food, appeared with a napkin tied around his neck.

"Thanks, Mrs. Dr. P!" he said while Rufus offered an enthusiastic paws up.

As her boyfriend and his little buddy began to eat, Kim activated her wrist Kimmunicator.

"Hi, Kim, what up?" Team Possible's tech guru asked when his image appeared on screen.

"Wade, what are the odds that no school would accept Ron?"

"Hmm. Interesting question. I'll have to create an algorithm that includes his GPA, extracurriculars, his sidekicking," he said as his fingers began to fly across the keyboard. "It'll take some time to work out … Got it."

"And?"

"They're long."

"Uh, how long?" Ron asked between bites.

"Let's just say the odds of Bonnie Rockwaller breaking up with Junior, taking a vow of poverty, and dating Kim's Cousin Larry are better."

"Wow," the teen hero said, impressed. "Those are long odds."

"See? I told you," James said triumphantly.

"I don't get it," Ron said as he rubbed his chin while Rufus polished off his breakfast. "Sure, Bon-Bon's into the fundage, but Larry's kind of cool and—"

Kim cocked an eyebrow. "Ron, trust me. Bonnie. Larry. So not going to happen. Not now. Not ever."

"Wait a minute," Ron said as the proverbial light bulb finally went off over his head. "You mean I should have gotten in somewhere?"

"Exactly," Kim said. "And I want to know why you didn't. Wade, any ideas?"

"Maybe one of your enemies decided it would be a good way to break up the team?"

"Not going to happen," Kim said firmly.

"Still, it's not a bad theory," Ron suggested. "You could go to a hoity-toity school in Hong Kong while I'm stuck here and—"

"We've had this convo, Ron," Kim said testily. "I'm not breaking up with you."

"But your enemies might not know that," Anne said suggested.

"Fair enough, Mom, but ever since the invasion, Global Justice has been making sure the bad guys behave themselves."

"Is this the same Global Justice that relies on you to do its work?" James asked.

Kim grimaced. "You have a point," she conceded. "Wade?"

"Drakken and Shego are too busy spending all the money they're making from their speaking tours and his mutagen, Dementor's been busy trying to fend off a hostile takeover of the strudel works by Hank's Gourmet Cupcakes 2.0, Frugal Lucre is tied up with his new show on the Cheapskate Shoppers Network and Camille Leon is scoring big ratings on _Dancing With the Cons_, Motor Ed and Adrena Lynn started dating and have been cruising cross country visiting extreme sports shows in a tricked-out ride, the Seniors have their hands full with Bonnie, Chester Yapsby is back working for Professor Acari, Electronique just won the politest prisoner-of-the-month award for the third month in a row, and DNAmy is still trying to undo the curse of the Yono so you can eliminate both her and Monkey Fist."

Kim pursed her lips in thought; she knew they were forgetting someone. Then her face brightened. "Wade, what about the Mathter?"

"Uh, wouldn't he be Dad's enemy?" Ron observed. "I mean, sure, he had some issues with me and you but Dad was the one who finally took him down."

"True, but you're still the reason his plan didn't—"

"Add up?" James interjected, feeling pleased with himself.

Kim, Anne, and Wade groaned while Ron muttered something about being beaten to the punch line.

"The Mathter has both motive and ability," Wade agreed. "Since he already wiped Ron off the grid once, I bet he could easily have found a way to take care of Ron's college applications. You want me to investigate?"

"Please and thank you," Kim said.

"Okay, I'll let you know as soon as I learn anything."

"Thanks, Wade. You rock," Kim said as the call came to an end.

"So, now what?" Ron asked as an envelope caught his eye. "Ooo! Look! Oops, uh never mind."

"Ron …" Kim growled as he stuffed the offending item back into the pile. "Spill."

"Nuh uh. I'm not spilling anything!" He then proceeded to knock over James' coffee. Kim vaulted over the table, grabbed a towel, and wiped the mess dry before any of her acceptance letters were damaged.

"What was in the envelope?" she demanded.

"Uh, well, you see …" he said as he nervously tugged at his collar. When she flashed him the puppy dog pout, his shoulders slumped. "You don't play fair, KP," he grumbled as he found the envelope he'd tried to hide.

Kim's eyebrow shot up as she saw the return address. "And you hid this why?"

"Hello! You and cooking school? Remember the blender?"

"I tamed that machine!" she said indignantly, before she wrapped her arms around his neck. "With the help of a very able tutor, I might add."

"Thanks. Since even these guys haven't admitted me, maybe I should ask them to make me a teacher."

"You know, Ron, that's not a bad idea," Anne said.

"No way! Me teach at a school? I'd probably wind up working with Steve Barkin."

"But you'd be great," Kim countered. "You love food, know how to cook, and invented the Naco."

"Thanks for the believin', KP, but it looks like Ron Stoppable's going to be jockeying for Employee-of-the-Month at Smarty Mart this fall."

"Well, if that's true, he'll have Kim Possible cheering him on all the way."

"I think I'll keep you around," he offered with a wan, but grateful, grin.

"You'd better," Kim said with mock severity just at the Kimmunicator beeped. "Wow, Wade, that was fast, even for you," she said as her young friend's visage appeared on screen.

"So, was it the Mathter?" Ron asked hopefully.

"Sorry, guys, but that's not why I'm calling – there's been a hit on the site."

_TBC …_


	2. Book 'em, Ronno

My thanks to Boris Yeltsin, Sentinel103, Love Robin, Classic Cowboy, Mr. Wizard, campy, JCS1966, CajunBear73, daywalkr82, Shrike176, Eddy13, Quathis, Katsumara, EdStargazer, Acaykath, Danny-171984, Joe Stoppinghem, Comet Moon, JAKT, whitem, , princessvmig, screaming phoenix, Ezbok58a, bigherb81, Molloy, Reader101w, TheRedKommie, Slipgate, and Yamal for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Leave a review and I'll send a response.

Special thanks to campy for proofreading.

KP © Disney; original characters © the author.

* * *

I.

"What's the sitch, Wade?" Kim asked as Ron peered over her shoulder.

"We just got a hit from the New York Public Library."

"I returned that book!" Ron protested. "I swear!"

Kim shot him a questioning look.

"Sophomore year. Or maybe it was junior. You were fighting Shego and I saw this book about wrestling and cheese and, well … Uh, they can't send me to jail if I didn't return it, can they?"

Kim groaned.

"Actually, they weren't calling to throw the book at you, Ron," quipped Wade, obviously pleased with his joke.

Kim groaned again. Seeing his attempt at humor had fallen flat, Wade sighed and got down to business. "There's been a robbery." An image of the entrance to the library appeared on the screen in Wade's place. Kim immediately noticed something missing.

"The lions," she said.

"Sleep tonight?" Ron asked as Rufus chimed in with a melodious, if high pitched, "a weemah way", earning very sour looks from his girlfriend. "What?" Ron asked as Rufus tried, but failed to look innocent.

"Ron, focus. There are – or were – two lion sculptures in front of the library."

"So, we've got a cat burglar on our hands!"

Kim cocked an eyebrow.

"Aw, c'mon, KP. That was a good one!"

Kim relented. "Okay, I'll give you your props."

Ron grinned. "Ah-booyah."

Smiling, Kim shook her head. Then she focused on Wade. "Tell them we're on our way," she said with her accustomed determination as she got up and headed for the garage.

"Uh, KP …" Ron said.

"Evil doesn't wait for breakfast, Ron," she said as she rose from her chair. "You can finish your pancakes in the Sloth."

"Yeah, about that," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "You know I'm all about the snackage while on the road, but, uh, well …"

Kim grimaced. "You need a car in which to snack. And I crash-landed mine on the _Enterprise _last week, nearly killing us."

"Aw gee, Kimbo, don't be so hard on yourself. Any crash you can walk away from is a good one."

She dropped down in the seat next to him, and activated the Kimmunicator. "Hi Wade," she sighed, "we're going to need a ride."

"Already on it," he replied with a knowing expression. "Bernice should be there within 30 minutes."

A grateful Kim smiled. "As always, you rock."

II.

"Thanks for the lift, Bernice!" Kim called out from the jump bay.

"Think nothing of it, Kim," the avuncular woman replied. "This is just like old times. You know, I've missed giving you rides."

"Really?"

"Sure, it's nice helping you help other people. Any time you need a lift, you let me know."

"Will do!" Kim said as she beamed at the pilot. Then she turned to Ron. "You ready?"

"If by ready you mean am I ready to scream my head off as I plummet to the earth wondering why we couldn't let Bernice land at one of the area's three ginormous airports and then take a cab back into town, yeah, I am."

"Spankin'," she said as she took his hand and jumped from the aircraft.

III.

As was her wont, Kim made a perfect landing, right in the center of Bryant Park, directly behind the library. And as was their wont, the New Yorkers who'd seen it all simply avoided making eye contact with her as they continued going about their business while the easily engaged tourists snapped photos. "See, that wasn't so bad was it?" she asked her boyfriend as she removed her helmet and shook out her hair.

"A little help, here!" Ron replied. Kim turned to find him in his boxers, desperately trying to retrieve his cargo pants from a tree while Rufus lay rolling on the ground, laughing. She tried to stifle a snort, not wholly successfully, then went to his assistance.

After Ron put his pants back on, they headed over to 40th Street and walked towards Fifth Avenue, where they made a left turn and approached the front entrance of the imposing edifice.

"Man, that's a lot of books!" Ron said as they ascended the steps. "Hey, maybe we can check out Martin Smarty's autobiography!"

"Ron, you've read that book three times."

"And it gets better with each reading," he said enthusiastically. "The part where Mr. Smarty has the brain storm about the brain storm—"

Kim laid her finger on Ron's lips. "I get it. We'll check out Mr. Smarty's book. But not until after we check out the bad guy sitch."

"Gotcha, KP," Ron said as they entered the building.

As they looked around the grand lobby, a distinguished-looking gentleman approached. "Kim Possible?"

"And BFP!" Ron said, earning quizzical looks from both the man and Kim.

"BFP?" she asked.

"Boyfriend partner," Ron answered. "Monique's not the only one who can come up with the awesome acronyms."

"I wasn't sure you knew what an acronym was," Kim said, impressed.

"Sometimes the Ronman is a regular So-crates," he said smugly.

Kim snorted. "I think you mean Soc-ra-tes."

"You say Soc-ra-tes, I say So-crates …"

The man coughed discretely, just loudly enough to catch the attention of the two teens.

"Our bad," Kim said sheepishly, though she quickly regained her poise. "I'm Kim Possible and this is Ron Stoppable."

"I'm Buck Report, assistant director of the library," he said. "Thank you for coming all the way from Middleton to help."

"It's no big," Kim said. "Helping people is what we do, Mr. Report. So, what's the 411 on your missing lions?"

"They disappeared sometime overnight," he explained. "I can't imagine what somebody would want with them or how they could even move them."

"You'd be surprised by how creative villains can be," Kim said.

"Yeah," Ron chimed in. "Anti-gravity rays, dark magic, molecular shrink ray thingies. They've got it all. And if they don't, there's always Henchco."

"Ron's right," Kim said. "Still, this whole sitch is odd. What would anybody do with two marble lions?"

"I bet those bad boys would bring in some serious Claude on eBid," Ron suggested.

"Somehow, I doubt they were stolen just to be peddled on an on-line auction site," Report said dismissively.

"Have you checked?" Ron asked.

"Well, no …"

"Ah ha! So you don't know that they're not being hawked to the highest bidder."

"Ron, I have to agreed with Mr. Report. It's ferociously unlikely that the library's lions are being sold on eBid."

"But still possible," Ron said, his arms crossed defiantly.

Kim sighed. "You're not going to let this go, are you?"

"Just because I haven't been accepted by some fancy-pants college doesn't mean my theory isn't good," he said petulantly.

Fearing they were approaching dangerous waters, Kim quickly activated her Kimmunicator.

"What up, Kim?"

"I need you to log onto eBid and see if they're auctioning any larger-than-life marble lions."

"You want me to log onto eBid to see if they're selling what?"

"You heard my lady," Ron chimed in.

"I'll let you know what I find," Wade replied.

"You rock," Kim said gratefully.

No sooner had the call ended than the Kimmunicator beeped.

"Wade?"

"I found your lions. And even better, I think I know who's selling them!"

Ron sat back in his chair, his hands clasped behind his head, and a huge, satisfied grin on his face. "Ah boo and a yah."

"And the villain du jour is?" a mildly tweaked Kim asked.

"I'm pretty sure it's Junior," Wade said. "The asking price is a brazillion jillion dollars."

Kim rolled her eyes. "That's so Junior."

"I don't get it. He's already got a brazillion jillion dollars," Ron said. "Or at least his dad does."

"Have you ever seen Bonnie with unlimited credit?" Kim asked.

"Bad?"

"Do you remember when I earned Employee of the Month last March?"

"Yeah."

"That was after she came in to do some 'last minute shopping' with Junior. Thanks to her, I made the entire store's sales quota for the quarter."

"So, you think she's already burned through his fundage?"

"I don't know. But I wouldn't put it past her. Wade, can you get us a ride to Senior Island?"

"I'm on it," the boy genius replied.

Kim and Ron rose to leave. "We'll get your lions back for you, Mr. Report." Kim said with the confidence of one who always completed her missions.

"Thanks. Oh, and one more thing."

"Yes?"

"Our records show that Mr. Stoppable checked out a book called _The Wonderful World of Wensleydale and Wrestling _in 2004 …"

"Uh oh," Rufus offered as he popped out of Ron's pocket. "Library fines!"

Ron groaned while Kim scowled. "You don't have a statue of limitations do you?" he asked Report hopefully.

"Alas, no. While the Library has many generous supporters, reductions in Federal and State aid require us to assess fines from the day the book was due, no matter how long ago that was. I'm sure you understand …"

Ron slumped in his seat. "Okay, I'm a man," he said, straightening up. "Hit me."

"You owe the library $237.75 …"

Ron sighed in relief. "Okay, I can handle that.

"… In late overdue fines and $952.34 to cover the replacement of the book; it was quite rare."

"$1,190.09!"

Kim blinked. "Since when can you do math on the fly like that?"

"This isn't math, KP. This is money!"

"If you don't have the cash," Report said, "you could always work it out by affixing labels to books and shelving volumes in the stacks."

"You so don't want to do that," Kim said with a shudder as she recalled her time in Library Lockup under the supervision of Miss Hatchet. "Trust me."

"Well, it looks like no more Bueno Nacho for us for a while, little buddy," he gravely informed Rufus, who wailed in sorrow. "Sorry, but the Ronster's Smarty Mart paycheck's been spoken for for the foreseeable future. At least KP and I can use coupons for our dates …"

Kim twitched. Then she made a decision. "You know what? Working off your fees so won't be the drama."

"What?" a confused Ron asked. "But you just said …"

Kim fixed Ron with a steely gaze that froze him. "I am so not going back to ordering off the kids menu," she said as she rose from her chair. "Rufus, you're with me."

Ron's jaw dropped. "You're going after Junior without me?"

"No. Rufus and I are going to take in a show while you work off your fine."

"Broadway!" the naked mole rat chirped happily as he jumped out of Ron's pocket and clambered onto Kim's shoulder.

"B-b-b …" Ron stammered as Kim and Rufus strolled out of the office.

"I think I'll contact our circulation librarian now," Report said with a satisfied smile.

_To Be Continued …_


	3. Too Clever By Half Wit

Thanks to Boris Yeltsin, daywalkr82, campy, LoPe21, Eddy13, zzzoo99, Mr. Wizard, Katsumara, EnterpirseCV-6, TheRedKommie, Yamal, Quathis, Danny-171984, , CajunBear73, Joe Stoppinghem, JCS1966, whitem, Sentinel103, Shrike176, bigherb81, Molloy, Reader101w for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Special thanks to campy for proofreading this chapter.

Send a review, and I'll send you a monkey ninja. Or maybe not …

KP © Disney

* * *

I.

"Monkeys, KP! They had me shelving books about monkeys!"

Kim smirked at her boyfriend, who was seated beside her in the cargo bay of a large military transport. Other than the three members of Team Possible and two experimental jet packs, the cavernous space was empty.

"Dial down the drama, Ron. You were in the stacks for, what, twenty minutes before Wade found us a ride?"

"Not the point, Kim: Monkeys! Banana loving, tree dwelling, simian—"

Kim arched her eyebrow. "I thought you were over your monkey issues."

"Just because I'm the monkey master doesn't mean I'm a monkey lover."

"I'll try to remember that," she deadpanned.

"It was sick and wrong, I tell you! Me and millions of monkey monographs!"

"Well, that's what happens when you lose a rare book."

"What? My girlfriend and best little buddy abandon me to library lockup while they hit Broadway?"

Kim cocked an eyebrow. "No. You take responsibility."

"I still can't believe you saw a show without me," he huffed, pointedly ignoring her point.

"Tried to," Kim corrected him. "We didn't even get to buy our tickets before Wade contacted me. Besides, I didn't even know you wanted to see _Memo Pad: The Musical_."

"Uh, I didn't."

"Then what's the ish?"

"The ish, KP, is that … that … that … Fine. Go get me with the whole making sense thing again." Ron's shoulders slumped. "Man, growing up tanks."

"Oh, I don't know about that," she replied.

"Yeah? Give me one reason the Ronster shouldn't be bummed!"

Rufus, ever the wise naked mole rat, sensed what was about to happen and chose that moment to make himself scarce. Kim, meanwhile, wrapped her arms around Ron's neck, pulling him close to her and planting a big kiss on her boyfriend's lips.

"Growing up means no PDA rules," she said smugly. "And that's just for starters."

Ron blinked. "Uh, for starters?"

Kim looked at him with eyes that would have been at home in a very cheesy romance novel, the kind filled with heaving bosoms and ripped bodices. Ron gulped, then began to respond with an unintentionally high-pitched "Ah-booyah!" before he was cut off by his girlfriend.

II.

Lip smacking behind them, Kim and Ron, with Rufus in tow, touched down on Senior Island. They shed their jet packs, which they stowed behind an outcropping of rocks, and quickly made their way to the wall of the compound.

"You ready?" Kim asked as she pulled out her grappler dryer.

"The Ronman has come to play," he answered as he pulled out his own grappler.

"Then it's go time," she said as she looked up at the top of the wall and fired. The air-pressure propelled hook sailed over the top, and lodged itself into the surface. Kim made sure the line was taut and began to climb.

Ron fired his grappler and watched with dismay as his pants sailed into the sky and over the wall. "Man," he grumbled before he realized his littlest friend had been in his pocket. "Rufus!"

Before he could panic, though, a panel in the wall whooshed open. Standing before him was none other than Junior. "Hello, Ron Stoppable!" the dim-witted dauphin said cheerfully. "I believe you are looking for these pants that do not coordinate with your shirt or hair?"

"What do you mean?" Ron said as he grabbed his gray cargoes, relieved when an unharmed Rufus popped his head out of his pocket. "This look is classic."

"Classic last season, perhaps," Junior said with a weary roll of the eyes. "None of this harmonizes."

"Uh, dude, last time I tried that, I was wearing pants that didn't breathe."

"But you were looking good!"

"Not as good as you'll be looking in prison orange," Kim said as she came up behind the billionaire heir. "You're busted."

"Oh, goody!" he squealed. "My catnapping caper has succeeded!"

"Okay, maybe I'm missing something here," Ron said. "But I'm pretty sure this isn't the way these situations usually go down."

"Ron's right," a suspicious Kim said. "What's going on, Junior?"

Junior sighed. "Do you know what it is to be ignored? To have nobody recognize all you have done? To be overlooked over and over and over again?"

"Hey, you applied to college, too?" Ron asked.

"No," a confused Junior said. "Why would I do that? If I wanted to go to college, I would have Papi buy me one and then it would give me all the degrees I wanted!"

"This isn't about being a pop star, is it?" Kim asked, recalling Junior's many failed attempts to become an international singing sensation.

"No, while the refusal of a fickle public to adore me continues to be a source of the deepest pain, I have decided to turn my suffering into a source of inspiration. Would you like to hear my latest song? It is called 'Roadkill on the Road to Love'."

"Sounds kind of country," Ron observed. "You branching out?"

"We'll take a rain check on the performance," Kim said curtly. "Now what's the sitch?"

"It's Papi and Bon-Bon," he sighed. "All day long they are together, laughing."

"Excuse me?" Kim replied.

"From morning to evening, it is nothing but laugh, laugh, laugh."

"Okay, I'm lost," Ron conceded.

"You're not the only one," Kim admitted before the implications of what Junior was suggesting revealed themselves. "Please don't tell me your father is teaching Bonnie how to be a villain."

"Oh no," Junior said airily. "If he were doing that, they'd do something evil, and then my precious Bon-Bon would be able to rejoin me by the pool. Instead, she is teaching him how to cackle. He believes it will help him complete his repertoire of villainous laughter."

"While I can see the upside for your dad," Ron said. "What's in it for Bonnie?"

"Her own International Express Titanium card," Junior said.

"Man, KP, you'd better make sure you're working the day she shows up at Club Banana with that bad boy."

"Tell me about it," Kim said.

"Enough!" Junior snapped petulantly. "I must insist that you take me into custody."

"Yeah, about that," Ron said. "You still haven't told us why you want to go the Big House."

"Because then Papi and my precious Bon-Bon will have to pay attention to me!"

"You committed a felony because you want face time with your dad and girlfriend?" Ron asked.

"I wanted to show them my commitment," Junior said with wounded dignity.

"This sitch is so many flavors of wrong," Kim said.

"So, may we go now?" Junior huffed.

"It's not that easy, Junior," Kim said.

"But I committed the crime did I not? You are the hero, I am the villain. You will now arrest me and hand me over to the Global Justice. A media circus will ensue and Papi and Bon-Bon will have to come to my assistance though I must make sure to have enough Le Goop with me when I go to jail so I will look good on television when I do my perp walk."

"Kim Possible, Ron Stoppable. Why are you here?"

"Papi!" Junior squealed.

"I thought this was a loser-free island," Bonnie snarked.

"Nice to see you, too, B," Kim retorted. "Though I'm surprised to see you here. Shouldn't you be in summer school?"

"Oh, you didn't hear?"

"Hear what?"

"Mr. Barkin found my missing pop quizzes," Bonnie said coyly.

"The only thing that was missing was you," Kim replied suspiciously. "Spill. Now."

"It's amazing what a donation from a generous billionaire to rebuild the school can help uncover."

"You are so not suggesting that you bribed Mr. Barkin!"

"Well, not me," Bonnie said. "Junior. Isn't he the sweetest?"

"You bought Bonnie a diploma?" Ron said.

"Is this true?" Senor Senior said. "Did you use our fabulous wealth to subvert the educational process?"

"I prefer to think of it as an investment in Bon-Bon's future," Junior said. "Besides, I thought she'd be happier by the pool than in that stuffy classroom."

"Son, you make me proud!"

"I can't believe Mr. Barkin would do that," Kim said, shaking her head.

"Uh, KP, this is the guy whose idea of punishing me for the whole quarterback thing was to make me the starting running back. True, he made me do the crab walk, but I think that was more because it made him happy."

"It's still so many flavors of wrong."

"Tell that to the students who will be going to class in a state-of-the-art building this fall instead of a bunch of trailers, K," Bonnie said smugly.

"I still don't have to like it," Kim groused.

"While this is all most interesting, why are you two here?" Senor Senior asked.

"We're here to bust Junior!" Ron declared as he draped his arm around the young man.

"Bust Junior? I do not understand."

"Junior stole two sculptures from the New York Public Library, Senor Senior."

"Is this true?" the old man asked his son.

"Yes!" Junior replied defiantly. "And I would do it again!"

"But why?"

"Because I wanted some attention!"

"What do you mean?"

"You and Bon-Bon have been spending all of your time in your office cackling while I am left to sun by the pool by myself. I will no longer be ignored!"

"My son, you broke the law just to get my attention?"

"Yes!"

Senor Senior beamed. "You have committed not one but two crimes? I am most proud of you!"

"Does this mean you will spend less time practicing your evil laugh and more time with me?" Junior asked hopefully.

"Not only that, I will buy you a major motion picture studio!"

"Hooray!" Junior jumped up and down. "I'm going to Hollywood!"

"By way of Cell Block D," Kim said.

Junior stopped his jumping. "I do not understand," he said blankly. "Now that I am no longer being ignored, I no longer need to go to prison."

"It doesn't work that way," Kim said.

"What do you mean?"

"You don't do the crime if you can't do the time!" Ron explained.

"Junior can't go to jail!" Bonnie sniped. "He has to take me to the Beverly Hills Mall!"

"Sorry to harsh on your shopping binge, Bonnie, but this is what happens when you date a supervillain," Kim said before she noticed that something appeared to have distracted her all too easily distractible BF. "Ron, focus! We're on a mission."

"Fear not, KP! The Ronster's head is still in the game. Check this out!" he replied as he hefted what appeared to be a ray gun. "The Seniors are packing weapons!"

"Oh, that is not a weapon," Junior said breezily. "It is a shrinking thingie."

"Junior!" Senor Senior exclaimed. "That is the Miniaturization Ray I ordered from Hencho. Did you take that from my study?"

"Yes, Papi, I did," Junior admitted. "It is how I was able to steal those lions from the big building with all the books."

Senor Senior beamed. "Not one, not two, but three evil deeds. And such initiative! This is a truly wondrous day! We shall have to celebrate!"

"I'm sorry, Senor Senior, but Junior has to go to jail first."

"Perhaps Junior can pay his debt to society some other way?"

Kim considered Senior's proposal.

"There's always library lockup," Ron suggested. "And he's dating Bon-Bon. That should be good for some time off."

"I heard that Stoppable!" Bonnie insisted.

"Perhaps I can make a generous gift to the library?" Senior suggested.

Kim shook her head. "Sounds bribish to me. Justice can't be bought off."

"But how about shrunk?" Junior asked as he jumped Ron and grabbed the Miniaturization Ray.

"Hey!" Ron protested. "I called dibs on that!"

"You did not," Junior retorted.

"Well I would have, if I'd thought of it!"

"Too late, Ron Stoppable. Or should I say Ron Shrinkable?" Junior said as he pointed the gun at Ron and fired.

Unfortunately for Junior, just as he depressed the trigger, Rufus emerged from his human's pants pocket and jumped on the barrel of the ray gun, deflecting the shot from Ron and towards Bonnie.

"Junior!" the now six-inch-tall brunette shrieked. "Unshrink me! Now!"

"But I do not know how!" he said plaintively as he fumbled with the ray gun.

"There has to be an undo button on that thing!" Bonnie snapped.

"Actually, Miss Rockwaller, there is not," Senor Senior said apologetically. "One must purchase Henchco's Unminiaturization Ray."

"Ugh," she groaned. "Please tell me you have one."

"While dividing the features among two products when one could have accommodated them is a transparent ploy by Jack Hench to pad his margins, I did indeed purchase one."

"So you can make me normal again?"

"I doubt a ray gun's gonna be able to do that," Ron muttered.

"Possible! Tell your dork boyfriend to take that back!"

Kim responded to the demand with a bemused snort.

"While I would like nothing more than to use the Unminiaturization Ray to restore you to your normal size," Senor Senior said. "I cannot."

"What? Why?"

"It is on back order."

"Back order? For how long?"

"Four to six weeks."

Bonnie turned her attention from the old billionaire to her boyfriend. "Junior, you are so dead!" she squeaked as she kicked her beau's ankle.

"Ouch!"

Bonnie kicked Junior again and he scampered away with her in hot pursuit.

"Senor Senior, I think we'll just take the lions and be on our way," Kim said.

"While I am pleased you no longer want to take Junior into custody, I must ask why you have changed your mind?"

Watching an irate Bonnie chase after a cowed Junior, Kim answered, "Junior's life over the next few weeks is going to be so much worse than any time he'd do in jail."

_To Be Continued …_


	4. Mathter & Commander Far Side of the Lair

Dear reader,

It's taken only three months, but, finally, an update. Some of you may recall that I used to post a new chapter every week or every other week. Alas, those days are now permanently in the past. While I wish I could update more frequently, circumstances (happy, I'm pleased to report) dictate otherwise. I do plan on finishing this story, though Kim and Ron may well be ready to attend their 50th college reunion by the time I wrap up "What's the Alma Mater?" ...

* * *

My thanks to Boris Yeltsin, Sentinel103, LoPe21, CajunBear73, Quathis, campy, Eddy13, captainkodak1, shrike176, Katsumara, whitem, JCS1966, Yami boy, Mr. Wzard, TexasDad, RonHeartbreaker, Molloy, Danny-171984, Reader101w, Intrepidwarriors for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Special thanks to campy for proofing this chapter.

Leave a review and I'll send a reply.

KP © Disney

* * *

I.

Kim and Ron were sitting on the couch in the Possibles' living room watching a rerun of _Pals_ when the Kimmunicator beeped.

"What up, Wade?" she asked as her webmaster's image appeared on screen.

"Good news! I've located the Mathter; he's in England. And, before you ask, I've set up a ride for you and Ron. Nakasumi-san was heading to Europe; he said he'd be happy to meet you at Middleton Airport in a half hour."

"As usual, you rock."

Wade replied with a satisfied smile. "I do what I can."

After the call ended, Kim noticed her boyfriend was rubbing his chin.

"Yes?" she asked.

"Looks like a twofer, KP," Ron said.

"How so?" she wondered.

"Not only can we find out whether Mathboy tanked my college apps, you can check out that university near London!"

"You seriously want me to look at Camford?" she responded with surprise.

"Wha? No! Yes. I mean, I just want you to go to the best school you can, Kim. Even if it means we're on opposite sides of the Pacific and you have to drive on the wrong side of the road and drink warm beer!"

Kim cocked an eyebrow before she leaned in and gave him a buss on the cheek. "That's sweet of you. Even if you've got your oceans wrong."

"What do you mean?"

"Europe and the U.S. are separated by the Atlantic."

"Though technically Ronald is right, Kimmie-cub," James said as he walked into the living room. "The Pacific separates North America and the Eurasian landmass, after all."

"Man, why couldn't you be the one grading my geography tests, Mr. Dr. P?" Ron groused.

Kim rolled her eyes at her boyfriend's query, then turned to her father. "So, Dad, you think you could give us a lift to the airport?"

"Another mission?" James asked.

"Wade's tracked down the Mathter," Kim replied.

"The Mathter. Isn't he the villain you think may have interfered with Ronald's applications?"

"The same."

"Maybe I could join you."

Kim and Ron exchanged a panicked look. James smiled with well-developed paternal condescension.

"Now, I know what you're thinking," the elder Possible said.

"You do?" Kim retorted.

"I never touched her!" Ron blurted out.

"Ron!"

"Ronald?"

"Okay, I did, but I've always been a gentleman!" Ron added frantically.

James cocked an eyebrow while Kim turned beet red. After she recovered from her embarrassment, she offered, "Dad, if this were a science sitch, you know you'd be the first one I'd ask along."

"Well, this Mathter villain deals with numbers doesn't he?"

"Well …"

"And mathematics is pure science."

"But …"

"And Ronald's father got to join you on a mission."

"That was different!"

"How so?"

"Uh, Mr. Stoppable is Actuary of the Year." As soon as she had uttered those words, she knew she was beaten. Ron's dad may have crunched numbers with flair, but her father used them to calculate everything from what was needed to create living metal to the perfect cup of egg nog. "Fine. You can come along."

"On one condition!" Ron hurriedly added.

"That I respect Kim's role as mission leader?"

Ron pursed his lips in thought. "Okay, two conditions."

"And what would the other be?"

"No capes!"

II.

"I so cannot believe this," a mortified Kim whispered to her boyfriend as she cast a surreptitious glance at her father, who was absorbed in a technical journal (Rocket Science Weekly: _The_ Rocketry Magazine). True, she was a high school graduate and should have been beyond the childish feeling she was experiencing but, truth be told, she was embarrassed by her dad's sartorial choice for the mission.

"Hey, at least he's not sporting a cape," Ron replied sympathetically.

"No, he's wearing a pocket protector!" she hissed. "He's never worn one of those before. Ever!"

"Hey, at least it's made of Kevlar," Ron offered enthusiastically. "Geek chic rules!"

Kim groaned. There were many things she loved about Ron, but his fashion sense wasn't among them.

III.

"Kim, I may wear pocket protectors, but are you sure we're in the right place?"

Kim cringed. "You heard?"

James grinned, then put his arm around her. "Don't worry, Kimmie-cub. We each have our assigned roles: As daughter, you're supposed to be embarrassed by your old man. As your old man, I'm supposed to give you cause."

"You are too much, Dad," she said fondly. Then she turned serious. "I have to agree with you. This place so says tourist and not lair."

"Hey, KP!"

She turned to see her boyfriend and Rufus straddling the prime meridian and waving at her.

"Look at us! We're in two time zones! Is this cool or what? And, hey, for a couple of pounds, we can get souvenir tickets!"

"Head in the game, Ron. We're here to bust a bad guy, not fool around."

"Man, you're no fun," he sulked.

Kim came up to him, then whispered into his ear: "Don't worry, we can fool around later."

Ron's eyes opened wide, then he grinned. "Ah-booyah!"

"You know, Ronald may be on to something," James offered, ignoring the flirting going on before him.

"What do you mean, Dad?" Kim asked, immediately shifting back into mission mode.

"If this Mathter fellow is so into numbers and he's here, then it would make sense that the Prime Meridian would somehow factor into his plans."

"But how?"

"You're the villain expert."

Kim walked over to where Ron had been standing. Beneath her feet was a medallion.

"Dad, Ron said your pocket protector was made of Kevlar. Is there anything else I should know?"

"I've been waiting for you to ask!" he said as he withdrew the fashion-offending item from his pocket. With unconcealed pride, he held it aloft. "The plastic sheath is actually a miniature supercomputer using the latest in flexible screen technology. The badge contains a variety of sensors capable of evaluating any point on the EM frequency."

"Meaning?" Ron asked.

"If the Mathter's hiding something, Dad's going to find it," Kim answered approvingly.

IV.

"What's the sitch, Dad?" Kim asked as her father completed his scan of the marker.

"This isn't any ordinary seal," James replied. "It's a highly sophisticated secure cover to a tunnel entrance."

"And why am I not surprised?" Kim observed.

"It's been a while since a villain has hidden a lair in a tourist attraction, KP," Ron said.

"Three and a half years to be exact," she said, recalling one of Team Possible's first big-time missions. "Drakken in Wisconsin."

"Ah, yes, the Cheese Wheel," Ron said fondly as he recalled the ill-fated Cheddar redoubt.

"Mmmm. Cheese!" Rufus agreed.

Kim smirked at her BF and his diminutive pal before she activated her Kimmunicator. "Wade, we have a high-tech door that needs some opening."

"On it," he said with a confident grin, which much to Kim's surprise, soon turned to a frown. "The Mathter's encryption codes are actually pretty good," Wade said. "Too good. He's got some serious math going on here. This is going to take some time."

"Man, if only he was a language villain," Ron said. "Of course then he'd have to change his name to something like the Wordster."

"Not helping," Kim commented.

"Sorry, KP," he said sheepishly.

Kim squeezed his hand to let him know he shouldn't worry, then turned her attention on her father. "What about your pocket protector, Dad? Think it can break the Mathter's code?"

"I don't see why not," he said. Moments later, James's consternation matched Wade's.

"Man, super geniuses zero, bad guy two," Ron said. "Now what?"

"I don't know," answered Kim, who was at a loss.

Rufus cleared his throat. "'Scuse me," he squeaked before he motioned for Kim, Ron, and Doctor Possible to move aside. Wearing a classic deerstalker hat and wielding a large magnifying glass, Rufus carefully examined the seal, studying every detail with great care. Finally, one spot caught his attention. He looked at it every which way, then seemed to reach a conclusion. Laying his tool aside, he jumped on the seal, once, twice, three times before he scurried off the marker, which gently and slowly dropped three inches into the ground before it recessed into the wall of what appeared to be a very deep tunnel.

"Ta da!" the mole rat chirped with a flourish.

"Rufus, my man!" Ron exulted.

"Well, I'm impressed," James said as he nodded his approval.

"Nice work, Rufus," Kim said. "Villain City, here we come."

V.

"Well, well, if it isn't Kim Possible," the Mathter said when he saw her enter the cavernous lair. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?"

"Ron's college applications," she answered.

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't deny it, Math Freak," Kim shot back. "You've gone too far."

"Kimmie-cub!" James exclaimed. "What have your mother and I taught you about calling people names?"

"Sorry, Dad. But nobody messes with my BF's future."

"Funny you should talk about the future, because all you have is a past," the Mathter said as he pointed a device at Kim, Ron, and Mr. Dr. P. "Behold, my temporal displacement ray!"

"Uh, in case Doctor P here doesn't understand what you're talking about …"

James arched an eyebrow. "It's obviously a device to manipulate time."

"Exactly!"

"Wait a minute," Ron said waving his hand. "You're a math villain, not a time villain."

"So?"

"Every villain has his shtick, right KP?"

Kim nodded. "Ron has a point, Mathter. This is kind of breaking with tradition."

"The other villains are not going to be happy when they hear you've been messing with the code," Ron noted.

"Well, in his defense," James said, "Since we measure time with numbers and it can be expressed mathematically, one could argue that he's still playing by the rules …"

Kim shot her father a withering look.

"… Or not."

"Rules or no rules, it's time for you to go back to the future! Farewell, Kim Possible!" With a dramatic flourish, the Mathter pressed a button on the temporal displacement ray.

Ron looked around. "Huh. The past looks just like the present. Although maybe I should say the future since the present hasn't happened yet and—"

Kim rolled her eyes. "Ron, we haven't gone anywhere."

"Looks like your time ray has timed out," James said with a chuckle.

"But the numbers … they all added up …" The Mathter tucked the ray under his arm and pulled his mePad from his utility belt. He was furiously reviewing calculations on his device as Kim approached.

"I'll take that," she said as she took the temporal displacement ray away and handed it to her father, who eagerly accepted the villain tech.

"Brackets!" the Mathter cursed as he watched James begin to examine the ray.

"Now spill: what did you do to Ron's apps?" Kim demanded.

"I still don't know what you're talking about," the Mathter responded.

"Ron hasn't received a single acceptance letter."

"So, your booooyyyyfriend isn't college material. Boo hoo."

"Don't diss the BF," Kim said menacingly. "Ron's grades and extracurriculars were good enough that he should have gotten in somewhere."

"So you say," the villain said dismissively.

"Ronald also hasn't received any rejections," James offered.

"Which means somebody had to have sabotaged his chances," Kim said. "We've done the math and you're the most likely suspect."

"Sorry, dude, but all of the other villains have alibis. The Ronman's not going to be a college man and it's your fault."

"While I would enjoy telling you that I did exact revenge for your interference with my Infinity Dome by subtracting college from your academic equation, I haven't really given you much thought since our last encounter. Your father, on the other hand …"

"No messing with my boyfriend or my boyfriend's father!" Kim snapped as she grabbed a fistful of the Mathter's uniform.

"Kim …" her father cautioned.

"Not now, Dad. I'm busting the bad guy."

"And I'm very proud of you for doing that. However, he may be telling the truth."

She spun around. "What do you mean?"

"I've been thinking about Ronald's applications," he said as he turned to face Ron. "I recall you carrying a large stack of them into our family room. You printed them."

"Yeah, I did."

"So even if the Mathter removed all electronic traces of you, your paperwork shouldn't have been lost. Some school, somewhere, must have received it and kept it on file."

"You've got a point, Dad." Kim pursed her lips in thought. An unwelcome, but based on past experience plausible, explanation of her boyfriend's application dilemma presented itself. "I hate to ask this, Ron, but you did mail your applications, didn't you?"

"Yes," he said defensively.

"And you put postage on the envelopes?"

"Yes," he added peevishly before he softened and conceded, "Well, Rufus, did when he saw I was about to send them off without stamps."

Kim cocked a knowing eyebrow and released the Mathter.

"Hey, wait a second, if Math Dude here didn't the put the kibosh on my college apps, what happened?" Ron asked.

"It really doesn't matter," the Mathter said as he triumphantly entered some quick calculations into his mePad, "because it's past time for you to go ... back … in … time."

"Hey, that's cheating!" Ron protested. "You can't use a remote!"

"What did you expect, boy?" the Mathter quipped. "I'm a villain!"

"Who's going down," Kim growled as she lunged at him. Unfortunately, while she was fast, she wasn't fast enough – her foe was able to press an icon on his mePad before she tackled him to the ground. She brought him down hard, rolled, sprang to her feet, and scrambled for the tablet, which had gone flying when the Mather made contact with the floor.

As all of this unfolded, Kim's father felt the temporal displacement ray vibrate and looked down in fascination as a crimson beam shot forth from its muzzle. The beam quickly dispersed into a field that much to the Mathter's delight enveloped first James, then Ron, Rufus, and finally Kim. Before the villain could gloat, however, the beam also enveloped him. Then, a brilliant flash washed over the lair and they were all gone.

_TBC …_


	5. Just in Time

My thanks to Boris Yeltsin, Katsumara, Yamal, CajunBear73, campy, Eddy13, RonHeartbreaker, daywalkr82, Man of Faith, Mr. Wizard, TheRedKommie, Quathis, EnterpriseCV-6, whitem, Reader101w, Sentinel103, EdStargazer, JCS1966, Molly, Danny-1711984, VizeerLord, Mahler Avatar, and Taechunsa for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Leave a review and I'll send a reply.

Special thanks to campy for proofing this chapter.

KP © Disney

* * *

I.

_1542_

While Kim Possible was old enough and possessed of sufficient confidence to admit that a hottie could all too easily turn her head in the days before she'd figured out just what Ron Stoppable meant to her, she had never been particularly impressed by monarchs. When a royal needed her help, she felt she was assisting just another person; being in the presence of someone with an inherited title fell under the category of "no big."

This time was different, however. Not because she was awed by the crowned head of state she faced but because he was indeed big.

"Come to me, wench!" a leering Henry VIII bellowed.

Kim glowered as she worked to put more space between England's ruler and herself. "You so didn't call me a wench."

"Aye, I did," he replied with what Kim had to admit was a winning smile. "But fear not, for I shall still make you a queen!" Henry then lunged at her.

"Sorry, but I've got already got a BF," she replied as she easily dodged him.

"A BF? Is that Old English?" he asked, confused.

"My bad," Kim said as she tried to figure out how she was going to escape from her unwanted suitor. "Boyfriend."

"Not after he is dispatched to the Tower!"

"Nobody messes with my Ron," Kim snapped. "Besides, you're not my type."

"I do not understand. I am one of the most powerful men in Europe. With me you would have riches, comfort …"

"… And a one-way guaranteed trip to the block to have my head chopped off when you tire of me? So not interested." Kim then did a handspring onto a table and followed that up with a vault over Henry's head before she made a bee-line for the door. "Now if you'll excuse me," she said, "I need to ace this place."

She then ran down the hall, a huffing Henry in hot pursuit, wondering just where Ron was. The combination of Kim's regular world-saving and cheerleading coupled with Henry's highly indulgent lifestyle enabled her to quickly put some distance between herself and the amorous monarch. She found what looked like a closet, ducked in and secured the door. Then she looked at her Kimmunicator, offered a silent prayer, and pressed the on button. Much to her delight, Wade's image appeared, though it was quite fuzzy.

"Hey, Kim. What up? And where are you?" he asked before he took a sip of his Slurpster. "The connection is terrible."

"I'm in England. Sixteenth century," she answered.

"Come again?"

"The Mathter shot us with some kind of time-travel ray. I'm at Hampton Court hiding from Henry VIII's henchmen."

"Good thing I included temporal displacement compensation functionality in the latest Kimmunicator upgrade."

"I don't mean to be rude, but I'm so not interested in the tech speak right now unless it's going to get me out of this sitch; becoming the next Queen of England is most def not part of my plans for this fall."

"Got it," Wade replied. "Where's Ron?"

"I don't know," she said, her brow knit in a way that conveyed both her frustration and concern. "He was hit, too. So were Dad, Rufus, and the math freak."

"Gotcha. I'm on it, though this may take some, er, time."

Kim groaned, but then relented. "Thanks, Wade. You rock in any century."

II.

_940_

"Uh, hello?" Ron said as he surveyed his surroundings; he was in the midst of a mist-enshrouded forest. "Yo! KP? Rufus? Anybody home?"

An owl hooted as if in reply; Ron screamed, and then attempted to strike a manly pose. "Nobody mess with the Ron-man!" he said cockily. "I've got the mad fu skillz!"

Seeing no one was around, he finally relaxed his stance. "Man, where am I?"

Warily, he began to look around.

Then his eye fell on the rock. Or, more to be exact, the object that protruded from its surface. It appeared to be a sword, albeit unlike any he'd ever seen before. "Oooo. Shiny," he cooed.

Like a celebutante drawn to a camera or a politician drawn to a donation, Ron felt called by the weapon. Without thinking, and without noticing the other figures approaching, he reached for the hilt and pulled. The blade slipped out effortlessly, much to the surprise of his as yet unseen companions.

"Badical!" Ron exclaimed as he looked at the weapon. It was a few moments before he noticed the armored men and women gaping at him. "Uh, I can explain …"

Before he could, though, they had each dropped to a knee. One of the men looked at Ron with awe. "My liege, you have freed Excalibur!"

Ron looked at the man, then sword, the rock, and then the sword again. "Kim is so going to kill me …" he groaned.

III.

_1679_

James T. Possible knew what he was doing was in direct contravention to everything he'd studied in Temporal Mechanics at MIST, not to mention all seven time-travel themed _Captain Constellation _episodes, but for what seemed forever, he'd watched apple after apple fall from the tree, each one missing the head of conceivably the most consequential scientist in English history.

Mr. Dr. P knew that fruit had to make contact with noggin if physics history was going to be made. At first, he thought to do nothing. But then it occurred to him that rather than interfering with the time stream, he might actually be an unrecognized part of what was supposed to happen. And so, he tip-toed towards the tree. Fortunately, Newton was engrossed in his book.

Twenty-first century scientist climbed into the thankfully large tree's branches, picked an apple, and took position over his seventeenth century predecessor. He did some quick calculations, taking account of the apple's shape and the gentle breeze, murmured "Rockets are go!" and let loose his epoch-making piece of fruit …

IV.

_60_

"Hey! Watch where you're poking those things!" The Mathter's protest was met with an incomprehensible, guttural response and another prod by one of the spear-wielding barbarians amongst whom he'd found himself after the time-travel mishap. Reluctantly, he began walking.

The men led him away from the river where he'd appeared and into a forest. His only means of escape, his propeller hat, was in the possession of one of the brutes. If he wanted to reclaim his headgear, he'd have to bide his time before striking.

His captors numbered five. With some careful calculation of the odds, he might be able to take them, assuming he could determine the right vectors for launching his decimal points. He'd also need the right location.

More light began to break through the tree canopy. The Mathter wondered if they were emerging from the woods. When he heard the chanting he wasn't sure he wanted to. At first he couldn't make out what was being shouted, though he could tell it was being done with enthusiasm and passion and by a very large number of people.

In what under less trying circumstances he might have recognized as a remarkable instance of the law of extreme odds at work, he was able to simultaneously determine that a name was being chanted, what that name was, and recognize the object of the multitude's ardor.

"Boudicca! Boudicca!" an army of barbarians cried out, shaking their spears and shields with gusto as quadriga rode past bearing the most fearsome warrior in Britannia, a petite but supremely confident young woman with blazing red hair and intelligent green eyes.

"Kim Possible!" the Mather shrieked before he fainted.

V.

_1940_

Winston Churchill grumbled in frustration. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't find the right combination of words. And if ever he needed every word, every syllable to be perfect, this was the moment. Tomorrow he would stand before the House of Commons, where as the King's new First Minister, he would have to rally his parliamentary colleagues and, through the wireless, his majesty's subjects in Britain and throughout the Empire, for the long battle with the Nazi foe.

He surveyed the Cabinet Room, where so many momentous decisions involving the fate of his island race had been taken. When he turned back to his chair at the table's center he glowered.

"And who are you?" he demanded of his unexpected visitor.

"Hullo!" Rufus chirped with a friendly wave. "Rufus!"

Churchill stared at the diminutive pink creature. Perhaps Clemmie had been right to express her concern about his consumption of potent beverages. Quickly, he pushed aside the heretical thought. After all, Rufus, as he called himself was bald, a trait with which the Briton could identify.

"Well, my little friend, perhaps you can be of assistance to me as I attempt to wrestle my speech under control."

"Ho-kay!"

"I have nothing to offer but a great deal of hard work."

Rufus shook his head.

"I have nothing to offer but a bloody great deal of bloody hard work."

"Nuh-uh."

"If we don't continue to fight the bloody Bosch, we'll all being eating bratwurst and sauerkraut for breakfast, lunch, and dinner."

Rufus blew a raspberry, both in response to Churchill's choice of words and the prospect of the culinary combination he mentioned.

"Blast it! What would you have me say?" the PM demanded.

Rufus rubbed his chin as he considered the question, then brightened. "Pen! Paper!" he squeaked.

Churchill complied with the naked mole rat's request, then watched in fascination as Rufus began to scrawl out some words. When Rufus was done, he proudly handed his handiwork to the prime minister.

"Blood, toil, sweat, tears," he murmured with satisfaction. "Yes, yes, this will do …."

_To Be Continued …_


	6. A Long Time Coming

Thanks to Boris Yeltsin, Katsumara, LoPe21, Eddy13, campy, Yamal, Quathis, Ron Heartbreaker, whitem, daywalkr82, CajunBear73, Taechunsa, bigherb81, Reader101w, Mr. Wizard, JCS1966, Danny-171984, Mahler Avatar, Lilulu, Molloy, ZorpoxTheConqueror, HarryloveGinny09, and Aronim for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Special thanks to campy for proofreading this installment.

KP © Disney

* * *

Dear Readers,

My apologies for taking so long to update this story – it's been eight months since I last posted. However, life has a way of happening. Fortunately, for me, it's all been good, but it's meant I have far less time for writing KP fan fiction. While I do intend to finish this story, I can offer no guarantees as to how long it will take me to accomplish that goal!

* * *

I.

_1940_

"That is so not called for," Kim snapped as tracer fire passed dangerously close by the canopy of her aircraft. She pushed forward hard on the throttle and felt her plane head upwards and out of the line of fire, grateful that she'd learned how to fly back when she was a sophomore in high school. Confident that she was safe, if only momentarily, she activated her wrist communicator.

"Kim?" a surprised Wade said. "Are you okay? What's going on? Aren't you in Tudor England?"

"Henry's history and the people firing at me want me to be, too."

"Firing at you? Where are you?"

"I'm in an old airplane being chased by some people with seriously bad attitudes."

Wade's fingers began to fly over this keyboard. "Kim, you're in a Spitfire, somewhere over Southern England. If people are shooting at you, you must be engaged in a dogfight. You're in the Battle of Britain!"

"Spankin'," Kim commented acidly. "Can you get me out of here?"

"I'm working on it."

"Thanks," Kim said. "Gotta jet! I've got company …"

II.

_1898_

The doughty old woman glowered in the direction of the interloper. She was not alone in wondering just who he might be – the ornate gilded chamber was filled to the rafters with curious bewhiskered men wearing dark frock coats and beribboned uniforms. Scores wore wigs and ermine-trimmed robes. The entire tableau reeked of power and solemnity.

The intruder felt out of place – say, as out of place as a grande-sized naco in a health food store. "So, uh, I'm, Ron," he said, scratching the back of his neck nervously. "Ron Stoppable. And you would be?"

"Not amused," Queen Victoria responded as Ron's belt failed and his pants plummeted.

III.

_Early in the spring of Kim and Ron's senior year_

"Possible? What brings you here, old boy?"

James looked around, recognizing both a fellow member of the global scientific fraternity and the Senior Common Room of Camford, England's most prestigious university. "Some very whacked physics, as my daughter might say."

"Ah, I see," the don said, unfazed by the appearance out of nowhere of his American colleague. "We were delighted to receive her application to study here next year. Would you please pass the claret?"

"Of course," James said, marveling at the spread before him. This definitely beat the cafeteria at the Space Center.

"You know, speaking of your daughter, we received the oddest application."

"Oh?" James asked.

"Yes, it was from someone claiming to be her assistant. A Jon Drippable, I believe."

Another don, one James didn't know, snorted. "Isn't that the fellow who claimed he helped Miss Possible save the world, invent some odious form of fast food, and appear on a show on the telly?"

"Yes," the first don answered. "Obviously, a charlatan."

"Well, actually, my Kimmie-cub does have a sidekick," James offered.

"Does she now?" the first don replied. "Do you mean we might have done him wrong?"

James gulped. Though he wanted to defend Ron, he feared that anything else he said might pollute the time stream. It was one thing to drop an apple on Isaac Newton's head, when he was confident he knew what was supposed to happen; this however involved a situation whose outcome had yet to be determined and with consequences he couldn't predict.

"Well," the second don chimed in, sparing James a decision, "even if he did all those things, it's not as if we could have granted him a place."

"Why?" James wondered. "Grades?"

The man laughed. "Grades? Who ever cared about grades? There's always a way around those. No, it was the transcript and the letter of recommendation. Or lack thereof."

"What do you mean?" James asked.

"His transcripts never appeared, but, as I noted, grades aren't the only thing we take into consideration," the first don said. "We were also supposed to receive a reference, if I recall correctly, from one of his teachers."

"I remember that," the second don noted. "Man had the most ludicrous name."

"Quite."

"Now what was he called? Yapping? Arfing? Oh, yes! Barking."

"Barking mad, if you ask me," the first don quipped before he eyed his empty glass with disapproval. "Pass the sherry, old nut?"

IV.

_1415_

Henry V sat alone in his tent, fretting. "What ever was I thinking?" he groaned, knowing full well the answer to his question. The invasion of France had seemed like a good idea at the time. After all, it was defended by, well, Frenchmen; send over some troops, best the enemy, go home. The English had already twice kicked Gallic biscuit at Crecy and Poitiers. Agincourt would make it 3-0 with Henry undisputed ruler on both sides of the Channel. Instead, he'd been cut off from Calais and now faced a foe that enjoyed an overwhelming superiority in the number of troops.

"What am I to do?" he wailed. "All is lost! There is no—hey!"

Henry was stunned.

He'd just been slapped.

By an unmistakably exasperated pink varmint.

The creature gesticulated.

Henry gawped.

The animal jumped up, grabbed his tunic, and began to shake him.

It dawned on Henry that the critter was trying to communicate. But what was it saying? That he shouldn't despair?

"What, take heart, you say, noble rat?" he groused. "Have you not seen the French army? It is a multitude, waiting to crush us."

The animal waved a dismissive paw, then assumed an archer's stance, one paw outstretched before its torso, as if holding a bow, the other pulled back as if pulling taut an arrow.

"Archers? You believe that my archers can defeat the French knights."

"Uh huh!" the animal said with a grin.

Henry considered the idea, then shrugged. "Well, why not? Better to go down fighting with valor than to surrender to despair."

The small animal nodded vigorously.

Henry rose, prepared to rally his troops. He was about to leave his tent, then turned to the creature. "Thank you, faithful friend, whose name is...?"

The diminutive visitor beamed, puffed out his chest, and answered, "Rufus!"

"From now on," Henry declared, "you shall be Sir Rufus." And with that, Henry went to rally his men.

V.

_2332_

"Where am I?" the Mathter demanded, though the presence of the alien convincingly suggested he was no longer in Boudicca's encampment but somewhere in the future. "Who are you?"

Before the extraterrestrial, or the similarly-clad human by its side, could answer, a door opened with a gentle swoosh that would have been most pleasing to the ears of Senor Senior, Senior, and another human entered.

"I could ask the same of you," the new arrival retorted before turning to the human. "What's the sitch, Mr. Glenn?"

The Mathter's eyes opened wide. Other than the blond hair, brown eyes, and freckles, the woman, right down to her voice, was a dead ringer for Kim Possible. "This isn't possible!" he spluttered.

"What's not possible?" asked the alien known as Bagellan Llox.

"Her!"

"But she's here," Llox replied phlegmatically. "Therefore, logic dictates she is indeed possible."

"Possible Stoppable, actually. Captain Veronica Possible Stoppable, commanding the space cruiser Kepler Ten," she offered before giving the visitor a visual once-over. "Should I know you?" she asked, sure she'd never met the man. There was no way she would have forgotten that ridiculous hat.

"Captain, this is the Mathter. A twenty-first-century Earth minor villain …"

"Minor?" he squawked. "My mathematical genius is-was-incalculable!"

"Apparently," Llox continued, "he had encounters with one of your ancestors, the twenty-first-century teen hero Kim Possible."

"Really?" the captain asked. "What are the odds?"

"4,324,567 to one," both Llox and the Mathter answered.

The captain groaned. Temporal incursions were bad enough. The perils to the timeline, not to mention the paperwork involved, were daunting. But two math know-it-alls … Her reverie was broken, however, as the Mather suddenly began to dematerialize. Realizing he was about to make another time jump, he grinned and bade tauntingly, "Farewell, girlie!" before he faded away.

VI.

_The present_

Kim looked around and realized she was no longer in the cockpit of a 1940s airplane but was back in 21st century Greenwich. Her relief at having returned to the present was tempered by her concern over the others, who still appeared to be missing. She lost no time activating the Kimmunicator.

"What up, Kim?" Wade asked.

"Apparently, no longer me," she answered as she surveyed her surroundings. Then, before she could say anything else, Rufus, bearing a large hunk of cheese, appeared. He was followed by her father, who looked bewildered, and possibly a bit tipsy. Then, Ron, _sans_ pants, materialized. "Do I even want to know?" she asked with a bemused smirk. Finally the Mather reappeared – and just as quickly disappeared.

VII.

_2332. Again._

"Initiate temporal preservation protocols now," the captain ordered.

"Yes, ma'am."

The Mather rematerialized. "No! This can't be!"

"It can and it is," Captain Stoppable replied coolly. "Consider yourself busted. Mr. Glenn, Mr. Llox, please make arrangements for our visitor. And find him some clothes that aren't such a fashion disaster," she added before she turned and strode out of the chamber.

The human male shook his head. "You shouldn't have called her girlie."

"What are you going to do with me?" the Mather asked. "I demand you send me back!"

Mr. Llox, the alien, cocked an eyebrow. "That is a risk we cannot afford. I have determined that your knowledge of the future combined with your villainous background suggests a probability of 99.44 percent that you will tamper with the timeline for your own nefarious advantage."

"Meaning?"

"Welcome to the 24th century," the alien offered.

VIII.

_Back to the Present_

"Okay, what just happened to the bad guy?" Ron asked.

"Good question," Kim said. "Wade?"

"Sorry, Kim," he answered. "But it looks like the Mathter's been pulled back into the future."

"And you know that how?" she wondered.

"Oo! Oo! Let me guess!" Ron interjected. "Time cooties!"

Kim snorted. "Right," she said skeptically.

"Actually, he's kind of right," Wade said as he rubbed his chin.

"Ronald? Right? About temporal mechanics?" Mr. Dr. P sputtered.

"Yeah," Wade replied before he took a sip of his Slurpster. "It seems that there's some kind of temporal residue that's been left behind by each of your trips through time."

"Time cooties," Ron said smugly to his girlfriend and her father. "The Ronman shoots and scores. Though we still can't explain why I'm not in college. Man, that tanks."

"Actually, Ronald, I may have an explanation," James said.

_To Be Continued …_


	7. Trouble in Store

Special thanks to Boris Yeltsin, ZorpoxTheConqueror, CajunBear73, Eddy13, Sentinel103, campy, JCS1966, Mr. Wizard, VizeerLord, bigherb81, Katsumara, Reader101w, Quathis, Man of Faith, Yamal, TexasDad, Molloy, Sharper the Writer, RonHeartbreaker, and whitem for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

As ever, leave a review and I'll send a reply.

My thanks to campy for proofing this chapter.

KP © Disney

* * *

I.

"Man, this place has villain central written all over it," Ron said as he surveyed the impressive collection of Gothic architecture.

"Ronald, this is the most prestigious university in England," observed a surprised James.

"Oh, sure, that's what they want you to believe," he replied. "Swank U by day, evil academy by night."

Kim quirked an eyebrow. "Overreacting much?"

"C'mon, KP. Just look at those turrets! And those gargoyles! You're seriously going to tell me that you can't see Monkey Fist up on that tower going on about being the Supreme Monkey Master or maybe Duff Killigan taking a few drives?"

Kim smirked. "Well, if you put it that way," she said.

"I do," Ron said, his arms folded akimbo.

"Yeah," Rufus agreed, eliciting an affectionate roll of the eyes from Kim.

"Possible villainous alumni aside, Kimmie-cub, what do you think?" James asked.

Kim looked around the quadrangle, taking in the ancient buildings, the immaculate lawn, the great oaks, and sighed. "It's great, Dad. It's exactly what I hoped it would be when I applied."

"There's a 'but' coming, isn't there?" he said knowingly.

Nodding, Kim took Ron's hand, then her father's. "After a trip to space and a trip through time, I don't want to be too far away from my BF or my family."

"Then where do you think you want to go?" James asked.

"Honestly?" Kim shrugged before admitting, "I don't know."

II.

"I still can't believe you forgot to press the send button," a peeved Ron said. "That's the kind of thing I'm supposed to do!"

"Mistakes happen, Stoppable. Get over it. Now get up there and start counting," Steve Barkin snapped as he hooked a thumb at the imposing ziggurat of Vienna sausage cases.

"Mistakes happen? Get over it?" an incredulous Ron parroted. "Hello! This is my future we're talking about."

"Your future?" Barkin snorted. "It's not as if there's much to talk about—I told you: it's downhill from high school. Now stop your yapping and start your climbing."

"Nuh uh," said Ron as he stood his ground. "It's not like you can order me around anymore. I've got a diploma."

"True, but I've got seniority. Now move out."

"Actually, seniority is irrelevant in this situation."

Surprised by the unexpected observation, Ron and Barkin turned to see none other than Martin Smarty standing in the doorway. Barkin snapped to attention while Ron looked confused. "Sir?"

Smarty, smiling, extended his hand to Ron. "Congratulations, Ronald."

"On what?"

"Your promotion."

Barkin twitched.

"You have a problem with that, mister?" Smarty asked with a coolness that Ron hoped never to experience.

"No sir!" a ramrod-straight Barkin replied.

"Good," Smarty said before he returned his attention to Ron. "Son, you've been a great employee. Conscientious, industrious, creative—cohabiting the cats and turtles was brilliant; that's the kind of outside-of-the-box thinking I like in an Assistant Manager."

"Assistant Manager?" Ron asked. "Of what? The pet department?"

Smarty chuckled. "You've got a great sense of humor, too. You're going to be assistant manager of the whole Middleton Smarty Mart!"

"For real?" a disbelieving Ron asked.

"For real!" a clearly proud Martin Smarty answered. And while the CEO anticipated his protégé's reaction—surprise mixed with pleasure—he was not prepared for Steve Barkin's, which was to faint …

III.

"Promise me you won't let your new position go to your head," Kim said as she and Ron strolled through the mall towards Club Banana.

"_Moi?"_ he asked.

"Need I remind you of the Bueno Nacho bathroom cleaning schedule?"

"Have no fear, KP. Ron Stoppable is older, wiser, more savvy in the art of management."

Kim cocked an eyebrow.

"Okay, I promise not to permanently exile Mr. Barkin to the bathroom."

"Thanks," Kim said before adding, "I'm so proud of you."

"You just like the accessorizing," Ron said.

Kim stopped and adjusted the knot of her BF's new Smarty Mart manager's tie. "Well, the hockey jersey was getting clichéd."

"Clichéd? It's the essence of Ron Stoppable! It's my signature look!"

"Ron, you wore it just about every day senior year. It's time for a new signature look," she said as she led him toward Club Banana.

"Are you sure about this, KP?" he asked nervously.

"Trust me. I know what's best for you," she said as she led him by the hand into the store.

IV.

"Turn around," Kim ordered and Ron did as requested. "What do you think, Monique?"

"The boy cleans up nicely," she said approvingly.

"Can we go now?" he whined.

"In a moment," Kim said. "There's just one more thing I want you to try on."

"Kim, I know I just got a promotion, but all of this threadage is going to wipe me out."

"No it won't," she said. "I'm treating. Or more accurately, Bonnie is."

"Wait a minute," Ron said. "You're blowing your bonus on me?"

"It's no big."

"But what about you? I thought you'd want to get some new things."

With a knowing grin, Kim observed, "Something tells me that after the shrink ray incident on Senior Island, I'll have a chance to ring up another big sale to Bonnie. Now into that dressing room, Mr. Stoppable."

"Yes, Ma'am," Ron said in surrender.

A few moments later he emerged wearing the clothes Kim asked him to don, only to find she had changed, too.

"Yes!" a most satisfied Monique exulted. "Team Possible is stylin'!" Ron was wearing a set of mission clothes that matched Kim's.

"So, what do you think?" Ron asked.

Kim wrapped her arms around her BF's neck. "Purple so suits you," she purred.

"Yeah?" Ron replied. "So, not that the Rondo has any problems with the matching duds, but what gives?"

"We're partners, remember?" she said. "I thought it was time we looked it."

"Coolio!" Ron said as he held Kim close. "Kind of like the Fearless Ferret, Wonder Weasel and Ferretgirl!"

Kim smirked fondly. "Not quite how I'd put it, but yes," she said as she brought her lips close to Ron's.

Monique cleared her throat. "I think I'll leave you two lovebirds alone for a moment."

"Thanks, Mo," Kim said without looking at her friend. She moved in for a kiss. And then, of course, the Kimmunicator beeped. Kim groaned, pulled away from Ron, and activated the screen. "What's the stich?" she asked, not hiding her frustration.

"I interrupted you guys again, didn't I?" he said sheepishly. Kim's expression offered Wade all the answer he needed. "Sorry."

Kim sighed. "It's alright. It's not like you plan these things."

"Yeah," Ron added with a laugh, "It's not like you've got us chipped or something."

Kim gulped while Wade choked on the soda he was drinking and looked away from the screen.

Ron looked curiously at Kim for a moment. Then his eyes narrowed. "Okay, Ron Stoppable may not be the most perceptive guy on the block, but I think we need to talk."

Kim took a deep breath. "Fair enough. After we deal with the villain," she said before adding hopefully, "There is a villain, Wade, isn't there?"

"Two, actually. Though they're new to me."

"So how long have I been chipped?" Ron asked, not ready to be put off.

"Not now," said Kim, preferring to have this particular conversation when she was better prepared. "What can you tell us about the bad guys, Wade?"

"This is going to sound strange, but one of them looks like an English butler."

The image of a familiar mutton-chopped valet appeared on screen.

"Bates," Kim said. "And the other?"

_TBC …_


End file.
